All Cause of You
by DharmaMotorPool
Summary: Series of Callian-based drabbles. Mostly fluff, some slight angst possible. All chapters can stand on their own.
1. Chapter 1

**I'd Come For You**

_Doesn't she know?_ Cal thought to himself as he stared at her across the table during one of their many meals together. _How can she not see it?_ The idea that she was completely oblivious to his feelings for her at once pained and amused him.

If he could, he'd have told her right then. How hard was it, anyway? Three small words. Eight letters. How was it possible that a sentence so tiny had the power to change his entire life?

He couldn't tell her. It would change his entire life! And hers. And Emily's. And then there was the entirely-too-real possibility of rejection. Her and her damn lines. If he could, he'd have ripped that intangible line to shreds with his bare hands. Stomped all over it and told her to forget the imaginary boundaries they'd drawn for themselves_. Damn that bloody line._

It was too complicated, loving her. He tried not to. He'd spent years willing himself _not_ to love her. She'd made that an impossibility, what with her infectious laugh and her morning pudding cups and her orange slushies and _that body_…

He was done for before he'd ever seen it coming.

So many times, he thought he'd picked up on something in her eyes; something similar to what he was sure his own eyes showed. A certain sparkle. A wayward glance that lasted just a little bit too long. Sometimes he swore she felt it, too, or at least that she knew he did. But he couldn't be sure.

She _had_ to know. After everything they'd been through…he'd thrown himself on top of her to protect her from a bomb. He'd come running when a group of teenagers had invaded her home and given her a very pronounced bruise on her tender cheek. He'd followed her ex husband around when he'd suspected he was betraying her. He'd do anything for her. She had to know that much.

If he never told her…at least she'd know he'd do anything. That the line meant nothing to him when she was in trouble. So why couldn't he just say it? _I want you. I need you. I love you._

If he could, he'd tell her.

**Lonelily**

She knew. She'd known for some time now. The way he looked at her sometimes…it was the way she wanted to look at him. The way she _would_ look at him if she had the courage to.

She knew she was his blind spot. She knew that he couldn't tell what she was feeling if she didn't let him, and she was very careful not to. The line must be kept intact. She played by a very strict set of rules, and she knew he hated them. Cal Lightman was definitely not one to go by the book.

It was better this way. She'd convinced herself of that, even though something else inside of her knew better. They were business partners, and business and pleasure were like oil and water. They had to go on pretending. Just being friends.

It wasn't _just_ the line. They both had issues that she wasn't entirely sure they could get past. Could they really have a fully functional, mature, adult relationship after all they'd been through? Their devotion to one another aside, there was so much between them that it made Gillian doubt whether mere love would suffice to sustain them.

She wished things could be different, but nothing about this thing between them was or ever could be simple. They were scarred. Flawed. From a psychological perspective, it wasn't healthy for them to be romantically involved. From her heart's perspective, though, she wished they could be. Maybe…maybe someday. If he ever actually told her what she knew he wanted to tell her. Maybe then she'd think about it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Half of My Heart**

He wasn't ready to love her the way she deserved. Not yet. He would be one day, or at least he hoped as much. He knew she'd be the best thing to ever come around for him, aside from Emily. The best _romantic_ thing. He knew they could have it all. Maybe not quite a fairy tale – life could never be _that_ perfect for him, even though she was – but it would be a damn good love story, just the same.

If only he were ready to take that step. If only he could bring himself to let that love be enough. To let her into the parts of himself that even he didn't like to visit. She knew nearly everything there was to know about him (probably more than he knew himself, in truth) and hadn't gotten scared off yet. That was a start, anyhow. But there was no quieting the voice in the back of his mind. The one that told him he wasn't ready to give her all the things she deserved. Wasn't ready to be the man she deserved.

So he went on pretending. Letting her think he didn't feel what he felt with the better half of his heart. The half that _hadn't_ been shattered by a darkened past. Maybe she could piece that half back together again, if he gave her the chance. Maybe someday he would.

But not yet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Misery (Loves Company)**

It began with a cup of coffee.

He'd had an ulterior motive for presenting her with the caffeinated beverage, but she hadn't known it at the time. Not until he presented her with his idea.

"I think we should have sex." He said it just like that. Straightforward, brutally honest, no shame or apologies. Damn him and his radical honesty.

Of course, she'd been taken aback by this proposition, but only for a moment. Then she was intrigued. "Why?"

"I think we'd be good at it," came his equally candid reply.

"Why else?" she asked, suspecting there was more behind his offer than that. There was always more to the truth than people liked to let on.

"We're both in the same situation. Wanting someone who's unavailable to us. We might as well enjoy ourselves while we pine away for our unrequited loves," he explained with a shrug. She had to admit, she admired his insight.

So they did it.

The first time she climaxed in his arms, she called out another man's name. It was alright by him, though; he called out another woman's. They both understood.

It's funny when the man you love and the man you're sleeping with are two different people.


End file.
